Living with Loren

I’ve had three loves.
Three lifetimes, really.

The last two?
Could’ve buried me.

The way I fought—
for peace.
for joy.
for strength.
for me.

Whew… me.
My being was unraveling.
And I stayed.
I stayed longer than I should have,
Because I thought pain could be prayed away,
And red flags could be reasoned with.

I was not healed.
I made another choice while still bleeding from the first one.

Both men wore the mask of husband material. Character. Charm. Ambition.
But they were not safe. Not for the woman I was becoming.

Still, I shrunk myself.
Played martyr.
Tried to love them whole.

But see me now—
Clapping my hands as I say this:

We’re. Not. Doing. That. Anymore. 👏🏾
No more shrinking.
No more saving.
No more sacrificing myself to feel chosen.

Big Loren is in the building.
And she walks in truth.

My worth? Known.
My joy? God-given.
My peace? Unshakeable.
My faith? Rooted.
My love? Sacred.

I will not be moved unless God Himself whispers, “Now, daughter.”

So here’s the deal—
If you don’t walk tall,
Speak life,
And carry heaven in your heart?

Keep it.
I want no parts.

Now I understand
Beyoncé’s “Lemonade”
Cardi B’s “Be Careful”
Mary’s “Just Fine”
And the anthem of every woman who has BECOME.

There is something different about a woman who has been to hell and made it back alive.

She doesn’t beg.
She doesn’t chase.
She doesn’t tolerate.

She’ll chew you up and spit you out
with a smile and a full understanding of her God-given crown. 

Because she knows who she is.
She’s been through the mental fire.
She’s survived the emotional war.
She’s fought in the spiritual battlefield.

And now?

Oh, she’s good with the wait.
She’s not pressed.
She’s not thirsty.
She’s ready—but only if it’s right.

She’s not looking to be rescued.
She is the rescue.
She is whole.
She is healed.
She is held… by God Himself.

And that, beloved, makes all the difference.

You don’t meet this version of her unready.
You don’t cross her path unsure.

Because she has been to the pit.
She has clawed her way out with purpose.
She has held her own hands in the dark.

And now?
She shines.
She waits well.
She loves wisely.

Because she knows now—

She has become.

Stay tuned for the final piece of this trilogy next Monday!

Until Next Week,

Keep Living!

Love, BIG Loren

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“Write the vision, and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it.”
—Habakkuk 2:2 (NKJV)